I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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