You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
