I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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