I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
