you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
