it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
