She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
