Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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