Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
