Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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