do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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