I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
