The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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