i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
