I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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