may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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