OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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