oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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