You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
