Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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