I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
