there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
