What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
