So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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