There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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