look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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