I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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