Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
