i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
