those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
