I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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