Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
