You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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