My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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