i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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