If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
how does that bad decision feel?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
