Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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