my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
