There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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