I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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