i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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