she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
