you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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