I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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