i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
not ubering you a puppy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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