my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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