The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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