and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
