Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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