What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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