I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
