So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
